Marriage has less beauty, but more safety than the single life.
As I sit here this evening, after sending my husband off to his Bishopric's Youth Discussion, I am wondering how good a wife I am. I don't think about this very much. We have been married for almost 38 years and I make a lot of assumptions about the two of us. Or I take things for granted. David has been so patient with me.....38 years patient.
I spend more time thinking about him and him and me now. The day after our last child left home for her own home and husband David was made the Bishop of our ward. He is very busy. Sometimes I wonder if we would be the same as we are if he wasn't the Bishop. I am in no way complaining. I am just saying we don't know what it is like to just be us. I wasn't ready for my baby to get married but once it settled in my mind I could see the perks of just being with David.....spending our money on us.....going some place and not worrying about leaving anyone behind.....etc. But that is still waiting to be seen. I am comfortable with our life and I expect that we will always be willing to serve in the church so who knows what is next. But I do dream of less responsibilities and the ability to go at the spur of the moment.
For the last two months I have been thinking about marriage and our marriage. I gave a presentation at a Stake Women's Conference this past weekend and have been gathering and preparing almost every day if even for just a minute or two. I have read and reread my talk to him. Sometimes he would laugh. He would laugh because what I was presenting wasn't me. But I wish it was me. And I told him I was going to do better. I was going to take some of my own advise.
You could say, "well you're 60 .... hope you have enough time to get it right!" I do too. I want him to know he is all I want....all I ever wanted. I want him to know I don't wish my life had been different.
As a warning: You can get too comfortable with your life and forget that you can make it better. And you can assess your relationship and say it's "good" but what would "better" or "best" be like. Sometimes when I think of David I see him as the young man I married. And I think that is by design. We married, we raised a family, and now it is the two of us again. Raising the family is a blurr. I think it is meant to be ~ so a married couple can put the right perspective on their post parenting years. It is important to remember the beginning and the hopes and dreams we had because we can still seek after them.
David and I talk about being newly weds and how exciting the beginning of life together was. It was wonderful for life to all be in front of us. So are we through looking forward. I don't think so. If we are going to be together eternally then we really are only beginning. But I have lived long enough with David to know that I don't want to be without him....now or eternally.
A side note: Since I will always be the mother in our family, I often wish I could pass on advise to my children. (Gotta be careful there.) So I just may start posting my advise. I can call it generic advise. Posted below is the better part of my presentation for Women's Conference. It isn't in it's entirety. Just good thoughts.
~
“It is a blessing to meet together,
the Spirit of God is here,
and when we speak to one another,
it is like oil going from vessel to vessel.”
“Marriage has less beauty,
but more safety than the single life.
It's full of sorrows and full of joys.
It lies under more burdens,
but it's supported by all the strengths of love
and those burdens are delightful.”
― 16th century bishop
We each have a different marriage.
One thing in common is
Christ is part of our marriage.
And that one relationship
will be something much better than a spark.
He brings the light.
Jeffrey R. Holland
“The solutions to life’s problems are always gospel solutions.
Not only are answers found in Christ,
but so is the power, the gift, the bestowal,
the miracle of giving and receiving those answers.
In this matter of love, no doctrine could be more encouraging to us than that.”
“[Sisters you], need to believe
that [your] faith has everything to do with your romance,
because it does.
Jesus Christ, the Light of the World,
is the only lamp by which you can successfully
see the path of love and happiness for you and for your
sweetheart.”
Why do we even bother
with the world’s solutions.
“…most mistake the end,
And form a wrong notion of happiness; and
then no wonder they miss the way; they
choose their own delusions and court a shadow.”
Matthew Henry
They are shallow and they will not endure.
The only one that never fails is Christ.
My daughter, Jill reads a blog entitled
“Passionate Homemaking”
And shared this post with me:
[If] Christ is the center, then our marriage will be strong.
If Christ is the center, I will be passionate about exalting Him and magnifying His name,
not exalting my own interests and feelings.
Marriage is a beautiful way to exalt Him.
It is the dance of a husband and a wife
to join their various giftings together
in bringing the most glory possible to their Maker.
“…if your eye be single to my glory,
your whole bodies shall be filled with light,,
and there shall be no darkness in you;
and that body which is filled with light
comprehendeth all things.”
DC 88:67
What does having our “eye single to his glory”
have to do with every day married life????
Bruce C. Hafen
“Loyalty to our husbands [and children]……
can help make Christians of us,
because trying honestly to be true
to those who mean the most,
and ask the most,
will stretch us into real growth.
Marriage and family life are among God’s
chief institutions for perfecting us,
often thru painful, and incredibly demanding experience.
No wonder we cannot be exalted
without being married,
because marriage is such a potent
laboratory for helping us develop Christ [like]...character.”
Howard W. Hunter
“If our lives and our faith are centered
on Jesus Christ and his restored gospel,
nothing can ever permanently go wrong.
On the other hand,
if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings,
no other success can be permanently right.”
“Whatever Jesus lays His hands upon, lives.
If he lays his hands upon a marriage it lives.
If He is allowed to lay his hands on the family, it lives.”
Elizabeth Berrett Browning‘s Sonnet
“How” Do I Love Thee
Not “when” or “where” or “why”
Or “why don’t you love me”
But rather “HOW”.
Mark Twain’s Adam in the Book Adam’s Diary said of
Eve, “Wherever she was, there was paradise.”
Christ said to follow him
To love like him
So how do we do that…….
Suffereth long:
Have you ever wondered what "charity suffereth long" means?
It doesn't mean that charity is a painful process.
It is saying that charity is patient.
It doesn't give up on others.
Suffer means to wait patiently,
to tolerate, to hold out, to allow.
Accept your spouse.
A number of years ago a friend told me
of a survey of married couples who had
been married for many years.
The common thread in all couples was acceptance.
Just accept your spouse.
Unhappy times happen. Be patient. Wait it out. Good will return.
A woman complained about her husband
and set out to change him. And she did and then complained
that he wasn’t the man she married.
“Because someone doesn’t love you the way
you want them to doesn’t mean they
don’t love you with all they have.”
Sister Hinckley said, “lower your expectations”.
The operative word here is YOUR expectations.
Love the man you married. He’s still there.
Envieth not:
Be content with the things
which God hath allotted unto you.
Don’t compare your marriage to others.
You really have no idea what
goes on in someone else’s home.
Don’t compare your man to other men.
It never helps anything.
Is kind:
Just be kind to your husband.
I don’t think they are ever totally
honest with the stress they have in their lives.
Make time for him.
Change your schedule so you can be with him.
Thank him for all that his work provides.
Look at your husband. (just watch him tie his shoes or make a sandwich
or whatever. Sometimes life gets so busy we don't even look at each other.
They become real to us all over again when we just look at them.)
When you meet do something
for the first four minutes that
is positive to your spouse.
Call your children “our” children.Use “we, us, and our”
Appreciate the gifts he gives you.
Tell him over and over again that you love him.
Have five times more good
to say to the one negative.
Apologize that you got offended. (Jesus doesn't care who says they are sorry.)
Have one on one time (Including touch.)
Not puffed up:
Not prideful.
Pride is the great stumbling block.
Recognizing you are prideful can change so many things.
Not easily provoked.
Pick your battles.
Find the right place to discuss your problems.
Hold Your tongue
Holding your tongue may be
more important than the gift of tongues.
Neal A. Maxwell
Be careful not to rush to judgment
Don’t be suspicious
Don’t misjudge your spouse’s intent.
Seeketh not her own:
Is life all about you?
If it is ~ you can’t see the whole picture.
“We are so busy constantly
checking our own temperatures,
we fail to notice the burning fevers of others.”
Neal A. Maxwell
When you can’t see where anything is your fault,
you will falsely demand change that isn’t necessary.
Most unhappy people are only concerned about
themselves.
So many are just waiting to be offended.
Thinketh no evil:
Satan has full dominion.
Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,
As to be hated
Needs but to be seen;
Yet seen to oft,
Familiar with her face,
We first endure,
Then pity, then embrace.
Alexander Pope
Be careful what you accept as good.
Just because we have a social media
doesn’t mean you have to be part of it.
If it isn’t benefiting your marriage or your
family then drop it.
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